Let me just state catagorically

I hate computers. I hate them I hate them I hate them I hate them.

Nyargh!

Of all the disks to be sickly, it’s the 40Gb Maxtor. This means that my new 60Gb drive has actually only granted me a net gain of 20 flipping Gig.

On top of which, the install process is not going ‘well’. I have actually given up on Linux. That’s right, you heard me, the linux freak has given up on Linux. BeOS will only be residing on the garage machine; although it will find use extracting the files from the old Linux disks. Why? Why I hear your plaintive cry come across to me.

Simple. It failed. Linux (SuSE 9.1 & 9.0) failed to install correctly on a really basic Athlon machine. Of course, it didn’t fail early on, oh no, it got to a 2/3s installed system which took 2 entire hours to install before it packed up and died on the reboot. And I note that Novell aren’t making the new version of SuSE available for download anyway.

BeOS is lovely, fast, but the software support is just not there – which I suspected, but I actually tired of broken links, downloads that didn’t work, and completely non-existant software within about 1/2 an hour.

*sigh*

This is day 2 and I have *one* working machine, *one* partial machine and *one* mid-install.

Mmm, 60Gb of shiny maxtor lovelyness….

….now what am I going to do with it?!

Due to my extreme poorness I have a selection of smaller drives, rather than any huge ones. Most of which come from RMA’ing Rachels old harddisks.

Indeed, my selection includes 1x 4 Gig, 2 x 9 Gig SCSI (given to me by John), at the smaller end, then 2 20s, a 30, 2 40s and one 60. Hence my intention to build ‘a storage server’ – because trying to organise my files across this random selection of disks is proving to be rather complicated.

I don’t know. I really don’t know how to organise my machines. I have ‘the garage machine’ (an old K6-II 400, which is intended to live in a garage and provide me with access to exciting things like music and diagrams of bits of car); my ‘work’ machine (which isn’t, ‘cos I only *really* work on my laptop) and my ‘storage server’ – on which I stick my mp3s (woot, I can finish mp3ing my CD collection now I’ve got more space!), my videos, etc, etc. I also want to stick together my ‘work’ machine so it can capture video, because I’ve got a bunch of old vids I want to capture and make into something I’m more likely to watch. Or indeed, able to watch without seeking out the ‘appropriate’ video recorder (some of my video recorders were a bit sick, back in the day, and one the tracking was so far out it could only play it’s own tapes).

Current thoughts are 1 x tiny baby 9Gb SCSI drives in the Garage machine, with a SCSI card from somewhere (might actually be my ISA SCSI Card, mmm, fast ;-). The 8 and the 40 in my work machine. Unless there’s a 10 kicking around somewhere (it might be in my garage machine) and *everything else* in the Server. The most scary thing about this is I’ll be having *no* working machines for a while. That and I have *no* idea what I’m going to use for an operating system! I’m conflicted. I want to use BeOS, but…. then…. if I make it dual boot…. Windows and BeOs…. Or something? But then my /home won’t be readable…. except that BeOS I think can read ext3. But windows can’t. Gaaaaahhhhh! Bloody computers.

‘Twas the night before Christmas

Well, not quite, but it soon will be… And I’m not at my parents.

Why am I not at my parents? Because I am full of lurgee. The cough I caught off my lil’ nephew last week has now developed into a fully fledged cold; I’m desparately hoping I can shift it before friday, ‘cos I really want to be at my parents for Xmas Eve/Xmas day. I know my body’s not very good at stomping on colds but I’m really hoping it gets off it’s lazy bone idle immune system and kicks this one into touch. Actually, that’s unfair. My body has been doing really well recently. This is the first time it’s kinda lost it.

Anyway. I dunno what I’m doing on here. Mostly can’t sleep. Want to, but can’t. Watched the first ep. of Lost today; got to say it didn’t *Grab* me, but there was enough vague interest at the end for me to decide I’m gonna watch the next one.

I’ve also been debating the massive reinstall/reorganisation of my PCs. But this involves a lot of hastle, and it’s always a bit unnerving pulling my installs to bits; and praying that when the machines come up they’ve got the disks I thought they had where I think they should have them! And that I’ve not nuked anything important. Not quite located the enthusiasm for that job yet though!

I love my bike…. I hate my bike…. I….

Actually, I don’t hate it. I suspected what happened today would happen.

I fixed my bike; it turned out the clutch had moved off it’s tapered shaft enough to no longer grip it. Having got it all assembled I started it…. and staggeringly it started first time (not bad for 9 months without running); having got it going I tried….putting…it in gear. And discovered that the clutch was staggeringly missadjusted. Tried again, still misadjusted. Tried again, still misadjusted…and the cluch was back off its tapered shaft. Grr.

I need to be a big strong bloke; or as Lauren suggested, use a bigger lever.

So tomorrow it’ll be taking it all apart again; hopefully catching all the oil, putting it back together, but this time I’ll abuse the torque wrench in my attempt to get the thing tight enough. Still, it was fab to hear her running again; and *terribly* tempting to just take her for an MOT (although she’d fail, atm, she’s got a blown bulb).

Anyway, if I get her fixed tomorrow…. then I might be back on me motorbike! Woo! Go me!

It sounded so good to get that lovely 250 2 stroke noise and have *huge* cloud of filthy blue smoke wafting around me…

Oh, and I don’t *really* hate it at the moment, I’m just peeved at having to do it *all* again. In rather sad news, the fan I got, my attempt to braze the metal on it lead to the outer ring cracking, so I need to think of another solution to that problem and clean off the braze which, incidentally, hasn’t really stuck very well. :(

A Life More Ordinary

So, some stress relief exercises, a good session (apart from the bit about it not being open ended), a new Death in Vegas CD (Scorpio Rising; 5 quid from Fopp. How cool are they?!), 2 new picture frames (need to go buy a third!); and I’m done.

Feeling much better; despite work commitments and having *no* idea what to wear to an Xmas party tomorrow. What do I wear! Shit, best ring someone….

Otherwise, I think that’s about it.

No news yet on ‘the big project’; the alledged Dead Like Me DVDs remain elusive and my car requires that I replace the rotor arm and distributor cap that were completely shagged 1000 miles ago. Despite me cleaning them ;-)

Stepford Wives, incidentally, is a very funny film.

I want to restart my exercise regime. *I* Want to. So, tomorrow, out comes the rowing machine again. I shall post results here. Be aware :-)

Here in the South West it’s SRD time

I have a Stress Related Disorder. It doesn’t really stop me functioning; but it does make my life distinctly less pleasant. Generally, I feel sick most of the time, and like I’m going to vomit. I tend to spend an inordinate amount of time in the bathroom; lose a lot of weight; and generally hate my very existance.

It appears that it’s made a comeback. I would like this, provisionally, to:

– My dad’s illness, first and foremost.
– My monetary situation.
– My degree.
– My housing situation.
– My lack of a partner.

I’ve never been particularly good at dealing with any of the above, (well, my dad’s illness I’ve not really dealt with, until now; my money I tend to just ignore until I can’t; I hate being a student, it makes me miserable; we’ve got to move and I hate being single) – and currently they’ve all decided to pile on the pressure at the moment.

So.

It’s a case of just knuckling down (or knickling, which is what I typed first) and getting on with it. Hopefully I’ll feel less like I’ve been out on the piss all day tomorrow.

In good news

…my copy of The L Word box set dvd has arrived while I was away. It seems to be terribly cool and has lots of fun / bizzare extras.

Mmm. And some extra Shane.

So, that is cool.

Also I seemed to connect with my two nephews, despite my long absence from their lives. So. Yes. That was very cool.

On the very big downside, the very very big, don’t talk to me about it, I’ll be spending a lot of time talking to my councellor about it, downside; my dad is very ill. Possible pneumonia. Not sure yet. Very ill. This councelling thing though, it’s given me back some space to cope.

And that is a very good thing. Even if I’m not quite up to working tonight, I am feeling more like a human again.

And I continue to *love* Death in Vegas.

Anger, pure anger.

For the second time in my life I’ve watched the so-called medical profession assume that they know better than the patient what is wrong with them. Aisling nearly died because of it. And today one of my friends was admitted, sent home and then re-admitted at 1am, by me.

And the Doctor kept talking over her, and ignoring her, and saying she should go home and that it wasn’t a fucking emergency. He wouldn’t listen, and he wouldn’t fucking take in a fucking word. Every time she tried to speak he spoke over her. Every time I said “can you please let her finish” he’d talk over me.

He presumed he was God’s fucking Gift, and he knows less than fuck all. He tried to pull the abusive patient shit. If I ever have to work with him I’ll damn well let him know what I think of his ‘bedside manner’.

Fortunately, I actually work in the NHS, so I know who to ask for and who to request, and what to say to make them keep someone in. So she’s in overnight. But I’m scared for her because they are so fucking useless. And I am so fucking angry that so-called doctors like that continue to work in the NHS because it doesn’t deserve them; and they don’t deserve to be called doctors.

The worst essay I’ve ever written

Is undoubtly not the one that I’ve just handed in; but the one I just handed is pretty bad. Not in the sense of being ‘a bad essay’. It’s reasonably readable, the grammar is okay, the spelling’s good. It’s well referenced. It just doesn’t really answer the question very well.

Oh well.

Anyway, today I’m going to have a look at my motorcycle.

Yes.

I will.

I promise.

Coffee, elixir of the goddess

So,

Coffee helps. So much for cutting down my caffine intake. I’ve got one ‘section’ more to write – the essay is now offically “long enough”, but if I can write say, 400 more words, then it’s just nicely over the word requirement, perhaps enough to make up for the complete lack of answering the question.

Nyargh!

You know when you realise that you’ve

a: not answered the question
b: not done research which would answer the question well
c: not asked the right questions of the people you’ve spoken to

?

Well, that’s what I’ve done. I went off at a tangent when I was doing my essay research….without realising. And it’s left me in the entertaining situation that most of my research, although interesting (did you know that in America, ethnic minorities with diabetes have a poorer outcome regardless of socio-economic position, and that women get charged more for the same length hospital stay with the same treatment? No? I didn’t either, until I did this research) is only really background to the question – if indeed it’s usable at all.

So, my answer kind of repeatedly veers off at tangents. I just hope it’s ‘pass’ grade. I’m not convinced it is. But at least, if I fail, I can go and ask people the questions I should have and write a damn sight of a better essay.

Anyway, I should get back to it. I’d like to get it finished today so I can spend tomorrow resting and doing things for me, something I’ve done far too little of in the recent past.