There’s something deeply wrong about going from “Bacchanale de Samson et Dalila” (Saint Saens) to Bill Haley and the Comets (Rock Around the Clock!), but I guess if you have a playlist consisting of all your CDs in alphabetical order then what can you expect? Of course, the cymbals in Bill Haley sound shite. Grr.
Anyway, taking a quick break from my Self Assessment form (needs to be in day after tomorrow!); yet again we’re going through the same process as last year:
- Phase 1: Fear and alarm.
During this phase I stare at the envelopes and wish that they didn’t exist, I wait until the last possible moment to deal with the contents (having checked the date for return)
- Phase 2: Gathering Items and False Understanding
During this phase I gather together the huge vast piles of details relating to my nearly ex-business, my rather more organised personal accounts, find the P60 that’s been dropped behind the desk, put on a record and make a cup of tea. Then I sit down with the form and….
- Phase 3: Frustration and Anger
Now we get to the meat of the situation, I yelp, I flick hopelessly through pages and pages of documentation trying to find numbers I don’t really understand, guessing, stabbing in the dark and praying that I’m getting the right numbers. I wail, and bemoan my unfortunate disaster of ending up with these damn forms to full in
- Phase 4: Actually getting somewhere
After a while of this I suddenly grasp how to do the basic bits, and fly through the forms in a few short hours….except
- Phase 5: The bits no-one understands
So I get stuck, ring the Inland Revenue who pass me from person to person who doesn’t understand their own forms, leading me to wonder how in hell I’m meant to fill them in. Eventually they tell me what to do (which is usually different to whatever I was told to do last time I rang); leaving me with the vague idea that it’s all just guess work
- Phase 6: Signature and Prayer
Then I sign the bit that says “This is true as far as I know” and stick it all in an envelope…..thinking “well, I think it’s correct”
I can actually leap from Phase 5 back to Phase 2….. unsuprisingly.
Well, I think it’s correct so far, I’ve done what they said. That’s the best I can say; that I’ve done exactly what they said. I can’t wait to shut Regolith and forget all this bloody nonsense, but I’ll still have to do one next year. Which is terrifying.
Anyway, best get back to it and finish it off.